The Bravest Pest In The World, Forever
by Sara Jaye
Summary: A look at the life of Ramona Quimby, from nursery school and onward.


;; innocent ignorance

She's four years old and she watches her big sister go off to school every day. She finger paints and wipes her hands on the neighbor's cat and chases her own around the house, begs her mother to read to her every hour and makes a fuss when she doesn't get her way.

She doesn't know why people are always scowling. Beezus tells her not to show anyone her scabs, Mother tells her not to pester, Daddy tells her to stop shouting and the cat runs away from her. No one will read her favorite book to her, why shouldn't she keep asking? Isn't that how you get things you want? And it's not her fault she's still too little to read by herself. And she's not trying to hurt the cat next door or Picky-Picky, she's just playing.

She didn't know baking her doll into the cake would ruin it. She didn't know it was wrong to eat one bite out of an apple and throw it away. And she just wanted to paint pictures like her big sister.

Everyone always gets so cross with her and she doesn't understand why. And it makes her sad.

;; when you're little and the world is so big

She's five years old and she just wants to be like the big kids. She goes to kindergarten with high hopes, but a mix-up makes her feel silly and her teacher gets mad at her for snoring and trying to touch Susan's hair. _Pest_, everyone calls her, and it makes her mad. She's not a pest! She didn't mean to make Susan upset, she just wanted to touch those pretty curls. Susan was the one acting big and mean and bossy. And she was just trying to show that she was sleeping, she hadn't meant to make everyone else snore.

Her family laughs at her when she calls the lamp a "dawnzer" and she gets mad. It's not her fault she didn't know the real words! Everyone says she scribbled all over her house and if Miss Binney hadn't let her tell what it really was they'd still be saying it. Davy won't let her kiss him or help him with his seat work. She stops going to kindergarten when Miss Binney scolds her for pulling Susan's hair and doesn't go back until after she gets a letter from the teacher saying she misses her.

It's not easy when she's the youngest girl in her family and the youngest one on her block after Howie's baby sister.

;; everything isn't always what you want it to be

She's six years old and she's starting to realize life isn't fair. Beezus gets everything, she'll get to _do_ everything first, she's bossy and tries to act grown-up all the time and when Ramona tries to stand up for her she just makes more trouble. When she's given the new room first, she's so happy even though she ends up being afraid of the drafty walls and sleeping by herself.

Howie takes everything too literally. He's no fun, his imagination's slower than a plow horse and he thinks he knows better than her. She tried to stand up for Beezus and all she did was make more trouble. Susan copied her owl and she couldn't tell Mrs. Griggs because Mrs. Griggs didn't like her and would just say she was making it up. When she says "guts" four times loudly in front of her family, they _laugh_ at her.

But sometimes it's not too bad. When Mrs. Griggs forces her to make a public apology to Susan, the other kids share their cookies and let her tag them on the playground. She finally gets used to her new room. And when she's finished crying her father calls her his spunky gal.

The next day, she skips to school feeling like a million bucks. When she loses her shoe trying to chase off a big dog, the teacher and her classmates all understand. That alone makes up for the scary dog and the missing shoe. Plus she gets to meet Beezus's nice teacher who calls her by her name, not just "Beatrice's little sister".

So maybe life isn't so unfair after all.

;; starting to understand

She's seven years old and she just wants her family to be happy. When Daddy loses his job, she tries to act like the cute little kids in the commercials so she'll get to be in one herself. If they had a million dollars, they'd be happy.

She just wants to help. When Beezus fusses over creative writing she comes along and listens to Mrs. Swink's stories with her. Daddy needs to stop smoking so she puts little No Smoking signs everywhere. She suggests having sheep in the Christmas pageant so everyone can have a part. She tries to sew with her mother. But she doesn't get to be in a commercial, Daddy gets cross when he quits smoking, she's stuck wearing bunny pajamas as a sheep costume and sewing's too hard.

She has bigger worries now, too. When Mother and Daddy have a fight one night, she worries they're going to get a divorce like Davy's parents. She hates staying with Howie's grandmother after school, Mrs. Kemp doesn't like her and always blames her for everything that goes wrong. She wears her pajamas to school thinking they'll stay fuzzy and warm all day, but they don't.

When she decides to run away after her family laughs at her for the last time, Mother asks how she could possibly get along without her girl. That's all Ramona's ever wanted to hear, and she stays.

She can't be like Beezus, but just knowing Mother loves her and wants her around is more than enough.

;; growing up's not so easy

She's eight years old and feeling so grown-up when she finally gets to take a bus to school. Daddy's back in college to get his teaching degree, so no more grumpy days of working at the supermarket. Beezus is in junior high, Willa Jean's starting preschool, and she's learning how to write cursive.

But Mother forgot to boil the egg for her lunch and it gets all over her head when she tries to crack it open. Mrs. Whaley calls her a show-off and her feelings are hurt. She and Beezus are grossed out when Mother serves tongue for dinner, so they get sent to their rooms and made to cook dinner the following night. Luckily, the chicken and peas with yogurt and the pale cornbread made with banana yogurt come out fine and they don't get in _too_ much trouble for the mess in the kitchen.

The day she gets sick at school, she thinks she'll never get over it. Surely Mrs. Whaley will think she's a _super_ nuisance now, and all the kids will laugh at her. But Mother nurses her, gives her toast and grown-up tea and ginger ale and comforts her when she cries over the horrible incident. Her classmates send her get-well cards and homework. Picky-Picky, who used to run away from her, cuddles with her while she rests. When she comes back to school she's ready to give her book report and manages to end it in a way that makes the whole class laugh. This time she's glad they did.

One Sunday the family goes out to dinner, and a man asks if she's been good to her mother. Mother always told her not to talk to strangers, but when they've finished eating they find out that same man paid for their meals. So maybe there's such a thing as good strangers.

;; the world's moving so fast

She's nine years old and everything's happening all at once. Howie gives her his old bike, she finally gets to stay by herself after school instead of dealing with grouchy old Mrs. Kemp. Picky-Picky dies. Mother's having a baby. Aunt Bea's getting married to Howie's uncle. Suddenly everything's all about the wedding, dresses and flowers and arrangements and chains of command. She feels grown-up holding Willa Jean's hand as they walk through the stores and reads her the ice-cream menu, even if the second one's embarrassing. The families gather together.

She saves the wedding day by finding the wedding ring after it flies off the pillow, and everyone hails her as a hero. She has an uncle, and after finding Hobart so annoying she finally decides he's not so bad.

When Mother has the baby, she worries and cries on Beezus's shoulder. She's not allowed into the hospital room to see her new sibling, but she finally meets Roberta Day Quimby and decides being a big sister won't be so bad.

She's winning at growing up.

;; and you're halfway there

She's ten years old and she finally has a girl best friend. Yard Ape likes her and she got to have a cake with whipped cream frosting for her birthday party. Susan, her longtime rival, finally stopped acting so perfect and they're on their way to becoming friends. Maybe.

Babysitting and cat-sitting prove to be harder than she anticipated, but Mother still asks her to stay with Roberta now and then and despite everything, it makes her feel big and important. Beezus is starting to spend more and more time with new friends, she'll never be one of the in-crowd but she likes the crowd she's got. She goes on dates, goes to parties and dances and Ramona wonders what that will be like for her someday.

Spelling continues to be hard for her, but she's getting there. Mrs. Meacham still embarrasses her by loudly correcting her mistakes, but she's taken to doing that for everyone so it's not _as_ bad anymore. And she still doesn't get why grownups hate the word "stuff" so much.

Davy moves away at the end of the school year after his mother gets remarried, and she's a little sad. She stopped trying to hover over him when they were seven and became better friends...not quite as close as she and Howie, Janet and Sara but still close enough that she misses him when he leaves. The day before, they laugh about the time they were in kindergarten and she kept trying to kiss him.

Was she ever really that silly? Ramona remembers everything, but sometimes it's like she's seeing a whole different person. She's come a long way.

;; teenage trials

She's fifteen years old when Daddy finally gets that teaching job he wanted. He's teaching at a different high school than hers, but she's still so proud of him she could burst. She's still her father's girl, no doubt about it, and even through a haze of silly teenage emotions and embarrassments she's a little sad that he's not teaching at _her_ school.

Boys continue to be confusing. She's had an on-and-off-again thing with Yard Ape since they were thirteen, so they try to be actual boyfriend and girlfriend. They last five months before she catches him kicking some grade-schooler around and decides she can't have someone like that for a boyfriend. Daisy listens to her rant and rave and cry before taking her out for pizza and ice cream. Years later they're still best friends, and Ramona's always glad to have her in her life.

Susan became the typical girl who rebels against her perfect image, wearing tiny skirts and too much makeup and saying bad words and kissing boys all the time. But when her behavior lands her into trouble and ruins her reputation, Ramona stepped in and yelled at everyone who called her dirty things. Susan's learning how to be herself now, she and her mother see a counselor for the latter's uptight behavior.

Beezus wasn't popular when she was fifteen, but Ramona's sought after by everyone. The "in-crowd", the sports teams, the art clubs, everyone wants Ramona to hang out with them. At one point she tries to juggle so many things at once that her grades drop and Mother lays down the law: two clubs only, or none at all. Which shockingly suits Ramona just fine...even if she still doesn't like being told what to do.

At the end of the school year, Howie asks her out on a date. They kiss for the first time that summer and go into their next year of high school a couple.

;; familiar faces and a growing world

She's twenty-four years old when she graduates college. Most people go for four years, but when she switched to an arts major she realized there were a lot more classes she wanted to take. Not all of them were the most fun (her art history teacher was stuffy and boring and her computer graphics teacher was kind of spacey), but she still found ways to _make_ them fun. And besides, she was good at them.

She runs into Henry Huggins sometime later, and they sit and drink cappucino together. He asks about Beezus, she asks about Ribsy (all these years later and he's still alive).

_Remember when I was five years old and wanted to marry you?_ They can laugh about it now, truth be told she hadn't thought about him like that much past first grade. He's engaged, and he bought his fiancee a gold ring with a pink stone. _Just like your worm_. Ramona giggles, glad he thought of her when he bought the ring.

He asks if there's anyone in her life and she thinks of Howie. He's coming back from New York in a week and her stomach's full of fuzzy butterflies; they were a couple all throughout high school and have maintained a long-distance relationship while they were at college in two different places, but things can change. She's half-nervous and half-excited to see him again, and if all goes well they're going to take that trip to Europe they talked about.

He comes home, taller and muscular and with an earring but he's still the same old Howie. When he goes to hug her, she feels like she did that one summer night nine years ago when he asked her to be his girlfriend.

;; even grown-ups still wonder

She's thirty-seven years old, and the kids can't sit still for even a minute. The little one shows off her scabs, the oldest boy wipes his hands on the cat after he's finished playing in the mud, and the baby has to watch his big brother and sister go off to school every day.

She makes phone calls, she goes to work, she helps Howie with the laundry while the big one complains about the little one and the baby constantly needs attention. Ramona wonders why the kids can't just get along, why the little one has to be so loud and say such inappropriate things, why the big one can't leave poor Fussy-Fussy alone.

Howie cooked that night, so she does the dishes. Sadly, Ramona picked up her father's habit of throwing everything into a frying pan while Howie watches the cooking channel religiously. Maybe someday she'll learn to follow the rules, but she never really lost her "to see what would happen" mindset. And she's learned from her mistakes! She knows you really _can't_ fry stew meat. And that you can't substitute buttermilk for real milk in mashed potatoes.

Still, maybe it's best if Howie handles the cooking most nights. Even his macaroni and cheese doesn't stick to the pan.

She's just finished drying the plates when she hears a crash from the playroom, followed by a wail.

"Mama, I just wanna have fun! Why is he so mean?"

_"Mother! Beezus won't read to me! Make her read to me!"_

Beezus called while she was at the market. Ramoma puts down the dishcloth and goes to pick up the phone.


End file.
